Your partner apologizes and says the hurtful behavior won't happen again. But you fear it will. At times you wonder whether you're imagining the abuse. Yet the emotional or physical pain is real. If this sounds familiar, you might be in a relationship that involves domestic violence.

Domestic violence happens between people who are or have been in a close relationship. Domestic violence also is called intimate partner violence. This type of violence can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse, stalking, and threats of abuse.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone. But it's most often directed toward women. Domestic violence can happen in heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

Abusive relationships involve one person having power and control over the other person. An abuser uses threatening, hurtful words and behaviors to control a partner. Early in the relationship, an abusive partner may seem attentive, generous and protective. But later, that attention can become controlling and scary. Although the abuse might happen only once in a while at first, it may get more intense and happen more often over time.

You might be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

• Calls you names, insults you or puts you down.
• Often acts jealous or possessive.
• Tries to control how you spend money or your access to money.
• Tracks where you go, what you do online or who you talk to on the phone.
• Prevents you from going to work or school.
• Stops you from seeing family members or friends.
• Threatens to keep you from seeing your children.
• Gets angry or abusive when drinking alcohol or using drugs.
• Tries to control whether you can see a healthcare professional.
• Threatens you, your children or your pets with violence or a weapon.
• Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets.
• Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will.
• Controls your birth control or demands that you get pregnant.
• Blames you for problems in the relationship or violent behavior, or tells you that you deserve it.

If you're gay, bisexual, transgender or gender diverse, you also may be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

• Threatens to tell friends, family, colleagues or community members about your sexual orientation or gender identity without your consent.
• Tells you that leaving the relationship means you're admitting that gay, bisexual or transgender relationships are wrong.
• Justifies abuse by telling you that your gender identity or sexual orientation isn't "real."
• Tells you that law enforcement won't help a gay, bisexual, transgender or gender-diverse person.

An abusive pattern may include the following:

• An abuser threatens violence.
• An abuser harms a partner. The harm may be emotional, sexual or physical.
• An abuser apologizes and promises to change. Gifts or favors may be part of the apology.
• Tension builds in the relationship, and the cycle repeats itself.
• Over time, the violence may get worse and happen more often.

Although this is a common way for domestic violence to happen, your situation may be different.

People who are the targets of domestic violence may try to act out verbally or physically against an abuser. That can include yelling, pushing or hitting during conflicts. An abuser might use those actions to manipulate you, claiming they're proof that you're the abusive one. An abuser also might downplay or explain away their own actions, causing you to doubt your experiences of abuse. This is called gaslighting.

Many people dealing with domestic violence develop some behaviors that can harm their health. Those behaviors might include trying to avoid or ignore certain situations, thoughts or feelings. Some people may drink too much alcohol or use illegal drugs. Others may attempt to harm themselves with actions such as cutting as a way to try to deal with the stress. Engaging in these behaviors doesn't mean you are at fault for the abuse or that you deserve it.

If you're having trouble identifying what's happening, take a step back. Look at larger patterns in your relationship. Think about whether those patterns seem to be signs of a healthy relationship or not. Then review the signs of domestic violence. In an abusive relationship, the person who routinely uses those behaviors is the abuser. The person on the receiving end is being abused.

Sometimes domestic violence begins or gets worse during pregnancy. Domestic violence puts at risk the health of the pregnant person and the health of the unborn baby, called a fetus. And the danger continues after a baby is born.

Domestic violence has an impact on children. That's true even if no one physically harms them. Domestic violence in their home makes children more likely to have emotional, social and developmental problems. They also are at a higher risk of mental health conditions, problems at school, aggressive behavior and low self-esteem.

Some people worry that seeking help could make the danger for their children worse. Or that it might break up the family. Some parents and caregivers worry that abusive partners will try to take their children away from them. But getting help is the best way to protect your children — and yourself.

Anyone who feels threatened, vulnerable or scared in a relationship needs help. Along with causing physical harm, domestic violence can lead to many other problems, including depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It also can raise the risk of drug or alcohol misuse.

But seeking help isn't always easy. Some situations might make it feel harder to reach out to others.

• Immigrants who don't have permanent legal status may not seek help out of fear that they might be deported. Language barriers, financial dependence and less social support also might make it hard for some immigrants to get the help they need.

  Laws in the United States provide protection from domestic abuse, regardless of a person's immigrant status. Free or low-cost resources are available. That includes lawyers, housing and medical care. Some people may be eligible for legal protections that allow immigrants who experience domestic violence to stay in the United States.

• Older woman may face challenges related to age and the length of their relationships. They may have grown up in a time when domestic violence was not talked about. Health problems might raise older women's dependency on a partner or their sense of responsibility to that person.
• LGBTQ+ individuals might be less likely to seek help after an assault if they don't want others to know about their sexual orientation or gender identity. Some may fear discrimination. Sometimes women who are assaulted by another woman don't seek help because they don't think that they'll be believed.

Remember, though, no matter what your situation, if you're being abused, you aren't to blame.

Help is available. Start by telling someone. That could be a family member or close friend. Or it could be a healthcare team member, an advocate at a domestic violence hotline or another person you trust. The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233) offers help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in many languages.

At first, it might be hard to talk about abuse. But you'll likely feel relief and receive much-needed support.

If you feel vulnerable, scared or threatened by your partner, it's important to make a safety plan. This plan can help if you decide to leave your partner. It's also valuable to have a safety plan if you are in danger and need to get away quickly. Take these steps:

• Call a women's shelter or a domestic violence hotline for support and advice. Hotline counselors can tell you about resources that can help as you make a safety plan. Call when your partner is away. Or call from a family member's or friend's home or other safe location. You may want to use someone else's phone for added privacy and safety.
• Pack an emergency bag. Include items you'll need if you leave, such as clothes, extra keys, a phone charger, and spare glasses or contact lenses. Store the bag in a safe place. Keep it somewhere other than your home, if possible.
• Keep important personal papers, money and prescription medications easily available. That way you can take them with you on short notice.
• Keep a phone close by as much as possible. Have emergency numbers and key contacts entered into the phone so that you can call quickly if you need help.
• Decide ahead of time where you'll go if you leave and how you'll get there.

An abuser can use technology to monitor your telephone and online communication and to track where you are. If you're concerned for your safety, seek help. To maintain your privacy:

• Use phones carefully. An abuser may stop you from getting calls or might listen to your conversations. An abuser might use caller ID, check your cellphone or search your phone billing records to see your call and text history. Watch for new apps added to your phone or your children's phones without your knowledge. They may be used to monitor or record you.
• Use home computers cautiously. An abuser might use spyware to watch your emails and the websites you visit. When you seek help, use a different computer at a safe location. That could be a computer at work, at a library or at a friend's house.
• Be aware of location devices in your car. If your car has a GPS or other location device, an abuser could use it to find your location.
• Change your email password often. Choose passwords that your partner cannot guess.
• Clear your computer viewing history. Follow your computer's web browser directions to clear any record of websites or graphics you've viewed.

In an emergency, call 911 or call your local emergency number or law enforcement agency. The following resources also can help:

• Someone you trust. Turn to a family member, close friend, neighbor, co-worker, or religious or spiritual adviser for support.
• A healthcare professional. Doctors, nurses and other healthcare team members can care for injuries. They also can help connect you to local resources for people who are dealing with domestic violence.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233). You can call the hotline anytime. It's open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. The hotline offers tools and support in many languages for anyone dealing with domestic violence. It's free and confidential. The hotline is available with a telecommunication device for the deaf (TDD) at 800-787-3224.
• A local women's shelter or crisis center. Shelters and crisis centers typically provide 24-hour emergency housing. Many also offer advice on legal matters and support services.
• A counseling or mental health center. Counseling and support groups for people in abusive relationships are available in most communities. If you need help finding one in your area, ask a healthcare professional, such as a nurse, social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist or primary care doctor.
• A local court. A court can help you get a protective order or restraining order. That order means an abuser cannot contact you or come near you without facing arrest. An advocate who specializes in domestic abuse may be available to help guide you through the process. Ask a healthcare team member to help you find an advocate in your community.

Domestic violence can have devastating effects. Although it might not be possible to stop your partner's abusive behavior, you can get help. Remember, no one deserves to be abused.

Domestic violence — also called intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse. Abuse by a partner can happen to anyone, but domestic violence is most often directed toward women. Domestic violence can happen in heterosexual and same-sex relationships.

Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviors to control a partner.

It might not be easy to identify domestic violence at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. You might be experiencing domestic violence if you're in a relationship with someone who:

• Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
• Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school or seeing family members or friends
• Tries to control how you spend money, where you go, what medicines you take or what you wear
• Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
• Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
• Threatens you with violence or a weapon
• Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets
• Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will
• Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it

If you're in a same-sex relationship or if you're bisexual or transgender, you might also be experiencing abuse if you're in a relationship with someone who:

• Threatens to tell friends, family, colleagues or community members your sexual orientation or gender identity
• Tells you that authorities won't help you because of your sexuality or gender identity
• Justifies abuse by questioning your sexuality or gender identity

Sometimes domestic violence begins — or increases — during pregnancy. Domestic violence puts your health and the baby's health at risk. The danger continues after the baby is born.

Even if your child isn't abused, simply witnessing domestic violence can be harmful. Children who grow up in abusive homes are more likely to be abused and have behavioral problems than are other children. As adults, they're more likely to become abusers or think abuse is a normal part of relationships.

You might worry that telling the truth will further endanger you, your child or other family members — and that it might break up your family. But seeking help is the best way to protect yourself and your loved ones.

If you're in an abusive situation, you might recognize this pattern:

• Your abuser threatens violence.
• Your abuser strikes.
• Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.
• The cycle repeats itself.

The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the physical and emotional toll. You might become depressed and anxious, or you might begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself. You might feel helpless or paralyzed.

You may also wonder if the abuse is your fault — a common point of confusion among survivors of domestic abuse that may make it more difficult to seek help.

• If you're an immigrant, you may be hesitant to seek help out of fear that you will be deported. Language barriers, lack of economic independence and limited social support can increase your isolation and your ability to access resources.

  Laws in the United States guarantee protection from domestic abuse, regardless of your immigrant status. Free or low-cost resources are available, including lawyers, shelter and medical care for you and your children. You may also be eligible for legal protections that allow immigrants who experience domestic violence to stay in the United States.

  Call a national domestic violence hotline for guidance. These services are free and protect your privacy.

• If you're an older woman, you may face challenges related to your age and the length of your relationship. You may have grown up in a time when domestic violence was simply not discussed. You or your partner may have health problems that increase your dependency or sense of responsibility.
• If you're in a same-sex relationship, you might be less likely to seek help after an assault if you don't want to disclose your sexual orientation. If you've been sexually assaulted by another woman, you might also fear that you won't be believed.

Still, the only way to break the cycle of domestic violence is to take action. Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it's a friend, a loved one, a health care provider or another close contact. You can also call a national domestic violence hotline.

At first, you might find it hard to talk about the abuse. But understand that you are not alone and there are experts who can help you. You'll also likely feel relief and receive much-needed support.

Leaving an abuser can be dangerous. Consider taking these precautions:

• Call a women's shelter or domestic violence hotline for advice. Make the call at a safe time — when the abuser isn't around — or from a friend's house or other safe location.
• Pack an emergency bag that includes items you'll need when you leave, such as extra clothes and keys. Leave the bag in a safe place. Keep important personal papers, money and prescription medications handy so that you can take them with you on short notice.
• Know exactly where you'll go and how you'll get there.

An abuser can use technology to monitor your telephone and online communication and to track your location. If you're concerned for your safety, seek help. To maintain your privacy:

• Use phones cautiously. Your abuser might intercept calls and listen to your conversations. An abusive partner might use caller ID, check your cellphone or search your phone billing records to see your call and texting history.
• Use your home computer cautiously. Your abuser might use spyware to monitor your emails and the websites you visit. Consider using a computer at work, at the library or at a friend's house to seek help.
• Turn off GPS devices. Your abuser might use a GPS device on your vehicle or your phone to pinpoint your location.
• Frequently change your email password. Choose passwords that would be difficult for your abuser to guess.
• Clear your viewing history. Follow your browser's instructions to clear any record of websites or graphics you've viewed.

In an emergency, call 911 or your local emergency number or law enforcement agency. The following resources also can help:

• Someone you trust. Turn to a friend, loved one, neighbor, co-worker, or religious or spiritual adviser for support.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233; toll-free). Call the hotline for crisis intervention and referrals to resources, such as women's shelters.
• Your health care provider. A health care provider typically will treat injuries and can refer you to safe housing and other local resources.
• A local women's shelter or crisis center. Shelters and crisis centers typically provide 24-hour emergency shelter as well as advice on legal matters and advocacy and support services.
• A counseling or mental health center. Counseling and support groups for women in abusive relationships are available in most communities.
• A local court. A court can help you obtain a restraining order that legally mandates the abuser to stay away from you or face arrest. Local advocates might be available to help guide you through the process.

It can be hard to recognize or admit that you're in an abusive relationship — but help is available. Remember, no one deserves to be abused.